The End is Near - This Time We Mean It

Aren’t our ink-stained fingers enough proof? Don’t our innumerable books and pamphlets demonstrate our unflagging dedication to this literary art? Especially in this era of easy inkjets and laser printers? No fuss, no muss.  But we stain our fingers and cramp our hands with writing so that you will be frightened, and that frightened you will believe.

But you have refused to take fright. What is wrong with you?

Was it our fault that the Soviet Union never invaded Israel? We said that it would happen – and it would have, except that the beatified Ronald Reagan was just too much for those Ruskies to handle. That man just starred them down, wouldn’t blink. The evil empire would have invaded the Holy Land of Israel if the leader of the free world hadn’t so effectively held them in check.

Was it our fault that Jesus didn’t return in 1988, that he didn’t come roaring through the sky like a crack of lightning? Perhaps he would have if the Soviet Union hadn’t begun restructuring itself toward a mixed economy. (Again, we must give thanks to the beatified Reagan.)

Gorbachev was the Antichrist, of course. We told you that. But you didn’t listen. You wouldn’t believe it. Not enough of you, anyway. The faithful fundamentalists believed, and for that they are blessed, but they were not enough. And so the Antichrist's mantle was passed to Saddam Hussein.  But, again, you would not believe us or our books.

The world was not frightened enough.

You laughed when we told you about that supercomputer in Brussels known as ‘the Beast.’ You laughed when we said that the internet was the 666 mark of the beast.

The world did not take our threats seriously.

But we mean business. There will be no more screwing around. No more paper dragons. The world will end. And soon. The End is near - this time we mean it.